Hurt, Tired, Numb
by xx you don't know me xx
Summary: I've had my share of hardships and each time, I always bring myself up again. But this time it's different. This time, when I fall, I can't get back up. This time I've finally hit rock bottom. So who's going to pick me up now?
1. prologue

**Hey guys. So I've been toying with the idea of this story for a while and I finally decided to write up the prologue whilst I was _supposed _to be asleep last night. For those of you who haven't read my other story: The Lying Game MR Style – I decided to start writing the date at the beginning of the chapter and the time (as you can probably guess this is a totally random date)**

**Hope you all like it.**

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**_Max P.O.V (Wednesday 12__th__ January 02:05 am)_**

_The first part is the pain. The constant aching feeling. No matter what you do, it won't go away. You're still fighting, but it hurts __**so**__ much. That's when you know you have a problem. You wish, with everything you have that it would stop. That you could just feel ok again._

_That's when the next part starts. You've been fighting so hard, you just can't do it anymore. You're tired of fighting. Tired of hoping, of wishing. Tired of hurting. Exhausted. _

_But the worst part…. The worst part is the last. The feeling you're stuck with. For heaven knows how long because this feeling, it's tricking you. This feeling, you can't __**really **__feel. The worst part is when it all becomes too much. You're too… __**numb**__ to feel anything anymore. That's what it is. __**Numb…**_

I'd never given much thought as to how my life would pan out. But now, lying in this bed in this plain, empty room, with only my thoughts to occupy me, I began to reminisce on the moments that had led to _**this. **_The moments that had brought me _**here. **_Lying in this old hospital bed. In this large, godforsaken hospital.

_I've finally done it. I've finally got to number three. _

_I'm finally too numb to care…_

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**Ok so that's just the preview. Review and let me know what you think. Should I keep going… If you liked it or not and all that shit.**

**Ciao x**


	2. Chapter 1

**So because I couldn't wait to upload the first real chappie (I'm always like this when I start a new story – updates will eventually get slower) I figured I would give you guys the first proper chapter. You are very welcome (just kidding ) so here goes nothing.**

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**Chapter 1**

**_Max P.O.V Sunday 9th November _**

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

I rolled over as I groaned into my pillow.

_Bee. Beep. _

My phone beeped for what seemed the billionth time this morning.

_Beep- _

_Crash…._

A loud bang at the impact my phone made as it flew across the room and made contact with the wall. What time was it anyway? I opened one eye and then the other, blinking rapidly as they got used to the light. I looked at the clock opposite me.

"_Fuck!" 10:15am._

I sat bolt upright in bed as my mind registered the time. I was going to be so late!

I jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom, grabbing a towel along the way. Slipping out of my ratty old t-shirt and black shorts, I climbed into the bath tub and turned the shower on high. Every single drop of water hitting my skin individually. Like hailstones pelting your skin. My nerves were on hyper alert. I was late!

After a quick rinse over with the shower, I leapt out, wrapped my towel around me and scurried to my bedroom. _10:24_… I had 20 minutes.

After I was dressed, I ran down the stairs and into the kitchen.

"Total!" I yelled as I whipped open the back door. The black Scottie dog came running and came to sit by my legs, nudging my hand with his head. I pointed outside and mumbled "Toilet." I didn't have time for his antics today.

He wondered out as I flipped the switch on the kettle, leaving it to boil for my morning coffee. I wouldn't have breakfast… I never did. I peeked at the clock, daring it to tell me I was seriously late and had missed my appointment. _10:30 Ok. Calm. Not too bad._ I made the coffee and called Total in.

As I walked into the living room, I switched on the T.V and selected an episode of one of my favourite shows, '_The Lying Game' _It was such a good way of escaping this… reality.

My hairbrush sat on the chair next to me and I sighed before pulling it through the knots. I dropped the brush and pulled my long, dirty blonde hair into a bun, pulling my fringe up with it. That seems to be the only way I wear it now. I'm just too tired to care. What's the point of trying to look nice anyway?_ I_ would never succeed.

I gulped down the coffee, barely tasting it as it scorches my throat, and simultaneously checked my phone for the time.

_10:40_

Five more minutes… just enough time to clean my teeth, shut Total up and go.

Five minutes later and I'm ready to go, locking the door and slipping the key into my bad as I make my way into town. Typing my passcode into my phone, I put my earphones in and walk to the beat. _Imagine Dragons 'Radioactive'_ pulses through my ears. I can feel my stomach churning. _What if I was late? Or too early? What if I saw someone I knew? _I felt my coffee working its way up into my chest, giving me that same old acidic feeling in my throat. No. I refused to let _that_ happen. I hated it. _This._ For what it had done to me. For what _they _had done to me.

My palms begin to sweat as my heartbeat grows rapid. I couldn't do this. Not anymore. It was such a chore. And it only made me worse.

I stopped abruptly. Stop it! I thought to myself. You're acting like a child!

I begin walking, almost there now.

_11:15_

Oh god. I was going to be early. Too early. I'd have to stand outside and wait. What would people think? I walk down the winding, narrow path the blue door.

_11:25_

Ok, I can go in.

I ring the bell and a few seconds later she came to the door.

Anne was wearing a long, multi-coloured skirt with a blue floaty shirt. Her greying hair falls around her face in a full bob.

"Max, lovely to see you." She greets in a calming voice.

I smile, a small, sheepish grin. "Hi Anne."

"Ok, let's get started." My counsellor says.

We make our way up the steps and into the room. I take a seat in one of the blue and green striped armchairs opposite Anne.

"Ok, so like usual, I'm going to ask you to fill in this sheet – just so I can see how you're feeling and the progress you make."

Wordlessly, I take the paper and fancy blue pen from her grasp.

First question: _Do you feel optimistic about the future? _

_I…I don't know. Did I? How often did I feel optimistic? Rarely? Often? I didn't have a clue. It was like I couldn't remember. As if the only feelings I was certain of were anxiety, depression, exhaustion and complete dread. Because that's all I seemed to remember feeling these days. Since it happened. What did optimism feel like again? It was a faraway feeling. Numb…tired. It all came back to that. I was exhausted. I was fifteen and I was already fed up of life. Now I just felt empty. What was wrong with me? Why me? _

Blinking away tears that threatened to fall, I circled my answer: Often. I just wanted to finish with this stupid counselling business. The easiest way for that, is to pretend everything's ok.

After more questions – which meant more feeling like crap- I hand the sheet back.

Anne glances at it as I twisted my fingers around one another. She makes a sound of approval and looks up at me, a slight frown on her face.

"Ok Max, I'm going to ask you a few questions now. How do you feel at the moment?"

"Pretty good. Calm, happy…"**_ Liar…_**

"Good. And what about this past week? How have you been feeling?" she retorts.

"Yeah, not bad at all. It's getting easier."**_ Stop lying…_**

She hums again and she says, "You know Max, you have been making excellent progress over these past few weeks. I think soon you might not need my help anymore. Well done sweetie, I'm very proud of you. Considering what you went through…"

I nod. Hearing her say that, just brings back the memory. Vivid images… a scream…. My scream… I was lucky…

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**Review please Let me know if you like it. If you haven't read my other stories then check them out. I could always use more reviewers.**

**Ciao x**


	3. Chapter 2

**Hi guys, so I changed the dates in the previous chapters because I had an epiphany (love that word) whilst I was supposed to be asleep last night. Being the special case that I am, this epiphany basically consisted of the idea that I had become bored of the storyline I had originally decided on and wanted to change it up a bit. The previous plot line was basically going to be revolving around the prologue almost where Max is in the hospital. That is still kind of the case only the events are going to be spread out more so this chapter is now set 2 months before the prologue, not a few days. If any of you are interested in knowing what the original plotline was the just pm me and I'll be happy to let you know… I might even use it for another fic (you never know). Also, if you have any ideas for any of my stories that you want me to use, then tell me in a review or pm me and if I think they work then I'll use it and give you credit for it. So don't hesitate to let me know. And if there's something you don't like about my story or you have some constructive criticism then just let me know- I am always looking for ways on how to improve my writing so it would be great if you could leave me some tips in a review if you can help.**

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**Chapter 2**

**Max P.O.V (Monday 10th November 2013 7:00am)**

"Hey! You ate the last of the cereal! Max! Gazzy ate all of the cornflakes!" Angel, my six year old sister yelled from the kitchen. Sighing, I r got up from my bed and ran downstairs to the messy kitchen. I picked Angel up and sat her in the tall, black chair by the kitchen island.

"Gazzy. What did I tell you about the cereal?" I ground out through gritted teeth as I walked over to where he was standing by the worktop and tipped the cereal box up. Just as Angel had said… empty.

He pulls an all too innocent face when he says, "I don't remember…"

"I told you to go easy Gaz. We can't afford to be buying two boxes of cereal a week just cause you got a crazy appetite in the morning. There is five of us in this house and you need to think about the rest of us."

"Sorry Max. Here Angel… you can have my cereal." He says as he hands over the bowl to Angel. I sighed as I glanced at him. For an eight year old boy, he sure is good at emotional blackmail.

"Gazzy… you and Angel can share. Okay?"

Grinning, he climbs up the seat opposite Angel and hands her a spoon, shovelling a huge spoonful of crunchy nut into his mouth. Yeah, crazy appetite.

At that precise moment, my wonderful older broth Ari decided to grace us with his presence, clad in sweat pants and an old, blue t-shirt. Yeah, notice the sarcasm there. Ari's 18, two years older than me. He's the oldest of us. Then there's the fabulous me –Maximum Ride- 16. Then you have Gazzy – not his real name (Zephyr – you don't want to know why we call him Gazzy. That kid has a funky digestive system) and he's eight – but you already knew that- and finally Angel. Now don't let the name fool ya. She is anything _but _an Angel. Don't get me wrong, she's totally sweet and adorable – and now I sound really mushy. Bad Max! - But if she doesn't get her way… expect mayhem. One time, Angel wanted this Barbie doll from the store but Dad couldn't afford it, let's just say we are now banned from that particular store. Forever…

Then we have the man of the house. Dad – Jeb.

"Hey Ari, where's dad?" I ask my older brother, as he take his place at the island.

He looks up and I notice the dark circles under his eyes, more prominent than ever.

"He had to leave early this morning. He got a morning shift at work. Couldn't turn it down." He gives me a pointed look and I know that the conversation's over. Since the… **_incident _**Dad had been working more than ever. Just so we knew where our next meal was coming from. I was surprised he was still managing to be honest. In some ways… my Dad… he's my hero. If it wasn't for him we'd all be living on the streets by now. Mum was the main earner in the house but ever since… yeah… ever since… well now Dad has to work for minimum wage six days a week whilst balancing his proper job – writing for a science magazine – not that well known- and being a single parent. It's gotta be pretty tough on him. But he does it… I asked him how he managed once. His reply… "Because I have to."

Ang and Gaz don't exactly know about our money troubles. They're too young and Ari and I have jobs to help out anyway. It's better than it used to be.

I pour out a coffee and hand it over to Ari, stirring my own as I do so.

I'm dressed in my usual attire – dark jeans, old t-shirt, my favourite converse and a black hoodie. I'm _such_ a fashion queen.

"Guys, hurry up and finish your breakfast, we're gonna be late." I direct towards Angel and Gazzy, who are more than halfway down the cereal bowl by now. "Do you have your lunch money?" They both nod obediently as I turn to Ari. "I have work at the diner after school until eight tonight so I need you to pick these up from school."

"Sure thing." He leaves the kitchen, thumping up the stairs to get ready.

"Okay guys, time to go. Angel, sweetie go and get your shoes. Gaz, go brush your teeth."

"Okay Max!" They chorus and run off in opposite directions. Angel comes back first, beaming at me as she carries her shoes and long white socks. She's dressed in a blue dress and her hair has been braided perfectly. She was really getting good at that now. She was definitely better than me. It suddenly struck me how much she had grown up in the past three months. We had previously lived in Arizona, before_ it_ happened. After, Dad had decided to sell up the house and that we would move here – a small town in California- because he had found a cheap house that was, and I quote, "more suitable for our family. This is our fresh start." Fresh start my ass. I hated it here. Still, it was better than being in our old house. Too many painful memories.

Angel handed me her socks as she sat down on the bottom stair, silently asking me to help her. I sighed and pulled up her right foot, tugging the sock on.

"Max?" She hums thoughtfully as her fingers run through my long, dirty blonde hair that I've left loose today.

"Yeah sweetie?"

Her fingers freeze and then her arms fall to her side. "Will they ever come back?"

I stop what I'm doing instantly.

"Ang…" I start, wondering how to word this. "You know they're not coming back. They're gone. That's that. Okay?" I glance up at her and meet the little girl's piercing blue eyes. Tears glimmer in the sapphire orbs and then run down her cheek. "I just… I miss them so much." She says as a broken sob rattles through her fragile body.

I pull her into my arms protectively. "I know baby. I know…" I murmur soothingly into her ear. Ari walks down the stairs and freezes, looking at me questioningly. He walks down to Angel and pulls her from my grasp, picking her up and walking into the lounge. I distinctly hear murmurs and more tears from Angel as Ari comforts her. The bathroom door opens with a click and Gazzy comes bounding down the stairs.

"What's going on?" he asks me nervously as he chew on his bottom lip.

"Nothing sweetie. Angel's just a little upset." I hand him the car keys and force a smile on my face. "Go get in the car okay? I'll be out in a second."

He nods and runs out the front door into the driveway.

A few minutes later and we're all in the car, on our way to prison (school). Gazzy is holding Angel in his arms in the backseat. He was so protective of her. What would have been a touching image, tore me up inside. I'm sitting in the passenger seat fiddling with the radio as Ari drives. We drop Angel and Gazzy off to school and then make our way to Greenway High School. Oh the joys of impending doom.

Ari parks the car and I get out, avoiding the rush of cars since I'm now very late. I walk into the front entrance and make my way to my locker. Grabbing my books from my bag, I take a slow walk to homeroom. What's the point of rushing if I'm already late? I get to the door and freeze for a moment, my hand hovering by the handle. Here goes nothing.

I swing open the door and trudge over to my seat. I'm almost there when a foot pops out in front of me. I stumble over it but don't fall. That is until this unfortunate event, in my unfortunate life, decided that life hasn't screwed me over enough and I trip over my own shoe lace, managing to fall face first on the carpeted floor, dropping all my books and papers as I do. I hurriedly gather up all my junk and walk the rest of the way to my seat, ignoring the snickers and cruel words from my peers, my face burning a fabulous shade of red. I slip into my seat and pull my hood up, pushing and ear bud into my ear as I look down at my desk.

"Okay class, quiet down please." Mr Umbridge calls as he gets ready to take the register.

"We have a new student today transferring from Laketon High. His name is Nicholas Jenson, I would appreciate it if you would all make him feel very welcome." Just as Mr Umbridge finishes, the door swings open. I keep looking down at my desk, hoping to remain invisible.

"Class this is Nicholas. Nicholas welcome to my class. My name is Mr Umbridge and I will be your tutor for the rest of the year. Please tell us about yourself."

_**Nicholas** _clears his throat before replying. "I prefer Fang." He says in a gruff voice, leaving Mr Umbridge surprised. I guess he was expecting to hear this kid's life story or something.

"Right… well… please take a seat next to… Max."

No dear god no! I shrink back in my seat and glare at my desk. I would rather just be alone!

"Max… wave to _Fang _please?" Sir calls out.

I remain silent as I look up, daring Mr Umbridge to call me out on my actions.

He sighs and finally gives up, pointing at the desk next to me and directing Fang over to me.

Great. Just great. Another person to make my life hell.

Throughout homeroom, I spend my time scribbling away in my notebook. When it's time to go to my first class (English) I grab my bag and throw it over my shoulder, hurrying out of the classroom. I'm almost at the door when Mr Umbridge speaks up.

"Max? Could you stay back a second please?" I groan internally before walking over to his desk.

Fang has also stayed back and is standing with his arms crossed. I take this moment to look at him properly, having avoided doing so for the whole of homeroom. He has raven black hair that swoops over his left eye and olive toned skin. He looks up at me and meets my eyes. They are almost black! He's wearing a thin black t-shirt and black jeans with- you guessed it- black shoes. Vans to be precise.

"Are you okay?" Mr Umbridge asks, referring to my _accident _that I had earlier.

"Yeeah…" I deadpan.

"Good. You should really be more careful Max. I don't want you ending up in A and E with a sprained ankle again due to clumsiness. Anyway, Fang hasn't received his schedule yet so he can follow you around until he does. Please look after him and make him feel welcome. I know that you will…"

I scoff and nod my agreement. Gesturing to Fang, I start towards the door.

"Let's go. We have English first." He silently follows me out of the door.

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"OMG! That loser! You totally did that on purpose!" Lissa screeched at me while I rush over to the sink in the science lab, turning on the tap and running a paper towel under the cold water.

"Sorry." I mumble. Handing her the paper towel and watching her dab at her clothes.

Let me backtrack to what got me into this predicament.

It all started when I wondered into science class, motioning Fang to sit down whilst I get our equipment for the experiment. Whilst I had been getting the food colouring for the practical, Brigid Dwyer, one of Lissa's minions- had decided to be completely unoriginal, and trip me. Again…

Only this time, instead of falling over myself, I had stumbled into Lissa – thus spilling green food colouring all over her white dress. Ooops…

Why didn't you just tell Lissa it was Brigid's fault? I hear you ask. Well… there's no point. Lissa and the Barbie parade rule this school. Brigid is Lissa's best friend. So why would Lissa believe me (a loser) over Brigid? Get my point? Good.

"You're just a stupid bitch! This dress was from the newest range of Armani! And now look! You've ruined it! You stupid, repulsive slut!" Lissa screams at me.

"Well that's a new one Lissa. I didn't know repulsive was in your vocabulary." I retort, fed up of her ridicule.

Her hand reaches out and strikes my cheek. The teacher is out finding more equipment and still hasn't come back. By now, the whole class is watching our dispute, awestruck.

I hit her back and she gasps.

She says nothing, as she reaches back for her flask of unidentified… something in her bag. Taking a sip before turning towards me again.

"You know Max? You should really take better care of your hair. Let me help you." She snarls before pouring the entire flask of hot coffee over my head, staining my shirt.

Wordlessly, I go back to my desk and pick up my bag, humiliated. I glance back at the class, everyone is laughing, except for Fang – he looks completely confused – before running out the room, out of the school and jumping into the car. I take off to the place. The one place I can go and feel okay. The lake by the forest. I get there and just sit for a moment. I hated this. Hated Lissa. Hated everything. Why did it happen to me? What had I done wrong? But I knew what I had done. My past had caused that fateful night. My selfish actions had been the cause of the pain that follows.

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**Hope you all liked this chapter. So I wanted to introduce Fang to the mix pretty quickly but I can assure you – this is not going to be rushed. Review and let me know what you thought.**


	4. Chapter 3

**Hey guys so I'm updating…again. Just want to say a quick thanks so those of you who reviewed. Honestly, they make my day. I was sitting in school today, constantly checking up on my Gmail for all your awesome reviews. I reread them all the time- they honestly encourage me to write. So by reviewing my stories, you're doing something for yourself. Do you see my logic? Yes? Okay, good. So I haven't written this chapter- I'm typing up straight away so wish me luck for this one. I also uploaded an extended prologue to this story, so check it out and tell me which you prefer.**

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**_Max P.O.V (Monday 10th November 4:00pm)_**

I pulled into the schools parking lot five minutes before school would end- giving me five minutes to prepare my lie for Ari. School was great, I would tell him. With any luck, he wouldn't have heard about my skipping school. I wait in the passenger seat and not two minutes later, he walks across the lot and gets into the car, turning the keys and driving out onto the road, the direction of Rosie's Diner-where I worked. He would go on from there to Angel and Gazzy's school to pick them up.

"So, how was school?" he asks me, patronizingly. He knows. I could tell.

"Great!" I lie, worth a try right? "In science class, we did this experiment where-"

"Cut the crap Max. The only experiment you were doing was the one where we see just how stupid I am. Do you seriously think I wouldn't find out that you skipped class…again?" Ari grinds out, gripping the steering wheel tight.

I sigh and try to come up with a believable story.

"I wasn't feeling well…so I went to the front desk and they sent me home. They said they'd let you know but I figured they wouldn't- you know what happened last time they did that. Plus how would you have got home. Turn left here…" I lie through my teeth, directing Ari where to go.

"Bullshit. If you were so ill, why would you be going to work? And the last time that you seem to be talking about, you skipped then too. The office didn't know to tell me because you ran off. This is the third time this month Max! Mind you, at least you stuck around until science. Last time you left before homeroom had even started." He muses to himself. He pulls up outside the diner and I open the door quickly, eager to escape this interrogation. If he asked me why I left, then I would have to tell him. The truth, I mean. There's only so many lies I can tell him.

"Bye Ari, I'll be home at eight thirty. See ya!"

Before I can make my escape from the car, Ari grabs my arm.

"We'll talk about this later Max." He threatens. Great. Just great.

Without another glance back, I shake my arm from his grasp and walk into the diner.

"Hey Rosie." I call out to the owner. She walks out from the back, grey hair hanging loose and a long blue skirt emphasises her tiny body. She smiles gently at me, her green eyes twinkling.

"Hi Max sweetheart. I have to go shortly, I'm picking my granddaughter up from the child minders but we have a new girl starting today. I trust you will train her well, it should be quiet today what with it being a Monday. Lock up when you leave at eight and just post the keys through thanks honey. I'll see you later."

"See ya Rosie."

For an old woman, she sure works a lot. She turned sixty seven last month but she's still in great health. She's more like a grandma than a boss. That's what I love about working here.

When she leaves, I have about ten minutes to get ready for the after school rush. I stock up the shelves with all Rosie's freshly baked cakes and check all the ice cream tubs. Then I fill up the coffee pot and check over the fridge for milk and cold drinks. Rosie's stocked everything. She's considerate like that. A slight knock at the door startles me out of my daze.

A tall girl stands at the door. She raises a mocha coloured hand to her hair that falls in caramel ringlets. I run over to the door and swing it open, this must be the new girl – Monique.

"Hi! I'm Monique but ummm everybody calls me Nudge Soooo…. Yeah! Just call me Nudge. I'm new here and it's my first day so I'm kinda nervous but also kinda excited!" I hold up a hand silencing her.

"Max." I say before going into the back room. I come back and hand her an apron and a hair tie.

"You have to put your hair up – health and safety."

She nods and pulls the ringlets into a top knot, pulling a few strands loose at the front so they frame her face.

"So, have you lived here all your life?" she asks, excitedly.

I finish setting out napkins on the tables and wipe the surfaces over. "No. I moved here a few months ago."

"huh." She murmurs. "I just moved here with my family. They're coming today to see me on my first day of work. Isn't that great? I transferred from Laketon high, in Long Island." Why did that name sound familiar?

"Great… can you check over the blender while I open up?" I ask Nudge, flipping the closed sign so it now says open.

"What time are you working till?"

Nudge frowns and clicks the button on the blender, checking it works. "Eight…"

"Cool, same here. We'll have the afternoon rush till about fiveish and then it quietens down from then until seven. After that, hardly anybody comes in. When are your family coming?"

Nudge looks ecstatic that I've taken an interest in her. "Now I think. My brothers finish school at the same time as me and are meeting my parents here. This is my first ever job so it's kinda a big deal. They do it with all of us. When Iggy got his first job, we all went to see him and Mum and Dad gave him a huge present just for getting through one day of work. That was a miracle. He got fired the next day but still… Oh and when Fang got his first job-"The bell on the door cuts Nudge off before I even have time to register what she has said. A group of teenage girls walk in and take a seat by the window, gossiping about…well, whatever teenagers gossip about.

I motion Nudge over to them and give her a small smile – good luck- it says.

As she walks over to them, I walk behind the counter and pull out a glass and a carton of apple juice, dropping some change into the till as I do. I grab Nudge one and put more change into the till – I respect Rosie and I need this job. So of course I pay for my drinks here- even if I could just take them. I respect the trust Rosie has for me. I'm not about to betray that just cause I'm a little tight on money.

"Can I get a mocha?" a stuck up, familiar voice asks me. I look up and groan internally. Brigid stands before me, nose in the air, chewing a manicured nail.

"Maxie!" she trills once she realises it's me. She soon drops the polite act. "What a surprise! I didn't see you after science today. Still, that coffee look was a vast improvement." She murmurs distastefully. Glaring, I pour out her coffee and take her money.

"There. I hope you don't choke on it." I mumble sarcastically.

"What do you take me for? I'm not as stupid as you Max…" I scoff and watch her as she takes a sip of the scorching hot mocha. Just as I predicted, she splutters and coughs loudly.

"There's no sugar in this Dumbass! You know I have three sugars! Sort it out! Now bitch!" Brigid screeches at me. Totally worth it to see the look on her face.

Once I make her a fresh cup – she demands a new one, refusing to drink the old one as she claims it's 'spiked'. What? With arsenic? I wish… She stalks off to greet Lissa and the rest of her minions who have now taken their rightful place at a booth in the back.

I glance around to see Nudge waving frantically at a group of people. A woman stands at the door, holding her husband's hand lovingly. The scene makes my heart ache. Behind the couple stand a tall boy with strawberry blonde hair and icy blue eyes. Next to him stands another tall, teenage boy. He has black hair that swoops over his left – Fang! He was Nudge's brother. I suddenly recall what Nudge had been saying earlier.

**_"When Fang got his first job-"_**Of course. It had totally gone in one ear and out the other earlier. But this family looked nothing alike. Whilst Fang had tan skin, Nudge had caramel coloured skin and the other boy – Iggy- was as pale as I've ever seen. The only thing this family had in common was the fact that they were all amazingly tall. And all extremely attractive. Put it this way, they looked like a family of supermodels. Hmmm…

The family all make their way indoors and walk over to a table.

"Nudge!" I call over to her. She scuttles over to me as I put the radio on quietly. "Your family just got here right? Go see them, I'll finish up there." I say, pointing to the table of burly jocks, messing around like a group of baboons.

She grins wildly! "Thanks Max! I won't be long. Promise." She runs off and goes to sit with the family, gesturing animatedly as I walk over to the table of jocks.

Once I finish up at the table, Nudge's family all get up to go. Her dad starts over to where I'm standing, followed by the rest of them, Nudge now leading.

"Daddy, this is Max. She's training me. The one I was telling you about! Max this is my family, Mum, Dad, Iggy and Fang."

I smile slightly and shake her dad's hand firmly. "We already met." I mention as I motion to Fang.

"Really?" Nudge's mum – Sarah- questions her son, intrigued.

He nods. "Yeah, she's in my class at school."

Man of many words.

"Well thank you so much for looking after Monique," Nudge cringes at the use of her name, "Maybe you could start off with some really hard work, cleaning toilets and stuff." Jack, Nudge's dad, jokes as he ruffles her hair affectionately. She pushes him away and exclaims. "Dad! Don't say that! She might actually do it!" Jack starts to reply, protesting when Nudge cuts him off.

"Bye! God you guys are so embarrassing!"

The family leave after a goodbye and a "See you at school, Max." from Fang. Honestly, I was quite surprised he had spoken to me. I hadn't exactly made a very good impression today. What with the hour I had spent with him. I just wanted today to end. There was something about Fang that made me uneasy. And the whole family. Maybe it was because they were the first people to actually… be nice to me. But that's just because they haven't had time to know me yet. I was sure once they figured me out, they would just be more enemies for me. That's why I was determined not to let myself be reeled in by the kind presence, the soft smiles and compliments. The thank yous and gestures of appreciation. Because if I let myself believe it, I became vulnerable. I would get hurt. I wasn't sure how much more hurt I could deal with. After everything…

"Guys! Guys! Calm down okay! Ari, go and get Angel ready for bed. Max should be home soon. I have to go to work." Dad shouts as I walk through the front door.

"Hey, Dad. You're going to work again?" I ask him as Ari bounds up the stairs, Angel on his shoulders laughing wildly.

He grimaces and apologises. "Yeah, sorry sweetie. But I'm home tomorrow. I'll see you then. Don't wait up for me. It could be past midnight." He hugs me and leaves.

After I grab a sandwich to eat, Ari comes into the kitchen. Angel's in bed and Gazzy is watching T.V in the lounge.

"What was that today Max?"

"I don't know what you're talking about…" I mutter to him as he reaches across and takes the coffee pot, pouring a tall mug out and adding some vanilla to it. Weird guy…

"You know what I'm talking about. Why did you skip school?" He growls.

"Look just leave me alone Ari, it's been a tough afternoon okay and I'm tired."

"I'll leave you alone once you tell me why you skipped Max! I can't keep making excuses for you just so you can screw up again!" He shouts at me, glaring profoundly.

"Just drop it would you!" I yell back, our discussion escalating into a full blown argument in a matter of seconds.

"I'll drop it when you tell me you're done! Done skipping class! Done screwing up!"

"Okay fine! I'm done! I'm done with this school! I'm done with this town! Done with you! Done with this freaking god damned life! Are you happy now?!" Okay, so I may have overreacted. But I was tired and fed up of his hypocrisy. Can you blame me? And it's not like he hasn't screwed up one too many times!

"What's wrong?" Angel's voice pipes up, cutting through the room as she looks up at us warily.

"Nothing Ange, go back to bed." Ari speaks gently.

"I can't. Not with you shouting. What's wrong?" Tears form in her eyes again and I walk over to her, holding my arms out.

"Nothing's wrong sweetie. Ari and I were just talking. Let's go to bed okay? I'm tired and you need some sleep." Angel wraps her arms around my neck as I pick her up and rest her on my hip.

"This isn't over Max." Ari says gruffly as I walk out the kitchen.

"Yes it is." I reply without turning back, signalling the end of the argument. He didn't reply, and that's how I knew. For once he was going to listen to me.

I put Angel to bed and lie down in my own room. Thinking about the day I had just had. I'm lying in my jeans and t-shirt, my shoes still remain on my feet. But I fall asleep like that. Comfortably lying on my bed with my thoughts switched off –finally.

When I wake up, a few hours later. My comforter is wrapped over me and I glance at my phone. 10:30pm. Dad wouldn't be home yet which meant one thing. Ari had been in here. He had covered me with the blanket and taken my shoes off. And I instantly knew_… he had forgiven me. He and I were okay now._ With that thought in mind I fell into a deep, uninterrupted sleep.

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**I quite like that ending. With the sibling love between Max and Ari. I didn't want to make Ari out as a villain in this story. Review and let me know what you thought. Not my best work I know but it'll get better.**


	5. Chapter 4

**Hey guys, I'm gonna keep this short again and just say a quick thanks to all of you who reviewed the last chapter. You guys are awesome. So I'm not sure if I like this chapter… this whole week I've been saying I'm gonna write and update and to be honest… I've been putting it off because I just couldn't bring myself to work up the energy and write. Every time I did, I hated what I had written… but I figured I couldn't leave it too long because I know what I'm like when I'm reading a fic and it doesn't get updated for a real long time… so yeah. I hope you guys like this chapter more than I do.**

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**_Max P.O.V Tuesday 11__th__ November _**

"Okay class, so today we're going to be learning about _'The Scarlet Letter'_. Before I start, can anybody tell me anything about this topic?" Mrs Lewis speaks to the English class, giving us all pointed stares. When nobody reacts, she looks disappointed and sighs exasperatedly.

"Alright. Well as you all **_should _**know from last year,_ 'The Scarlet Letter'_ is a romantic novel written in 1850 by Nathaniel Hawthorne. Despite the fact that this novel was written at this time, it was actually set in 17th century Puritan Boston. Around the time of 1642 to 1649. Is this ringing any bells?"

Again, the class remains silent. Mrs Lewis sighs again before continuing.

"The novel follows protagonist Hester Prynne. She has conceived a child through an adulterous affair…"

Lissa speaks up. "Oh I remember Miss! We learnt it in English Lit last year with Mr Taylor! Hester is convicted of adultery and had to wear that scarlet '_A'_. Right?"

A grin spreads across Mrs Lewis's face. "Very good Lissa!" **_Freaking goody two shoes… _**"So when Hester is convicted…."

I tune out of what Miss is saying, digging around in my bag for my earphones. I pull them through my sleeve and hide them with my long hair. I notice Fang doing the same from the corner of my eye. He has to sit with me in every. Single. Lesson. For a whole week. The sooner this week is over, the better. I told Dad this morning at breakfast (surprise, surprise, he was actually home) and he decided I should try make friends with this boy. Hah! No frickin' way! I don't make friends… that's just how it is. It makes it easier for them… to hurt me.

**_Forget I even thought that…._**

After the lesson of torture finally finishes, I skulk out the door, Fang in tow. Out of nowhere, I hear the click of high heels. Lissa saunters up to me, the rest of the Barbie parade following behind her. She falls into place next to me and throws an arm around my shoulder.

"Y'know Maxie, just listening to Mrs Lewis speak about that in History or math or whatever, really made me think of you…"

I stop abruptly. Here it comes…

"What are you talking about Laura?"

"It's Lissa." She grinds out. "And you know what I'm talking about. Dylan told me everything. I guess what they say is true… like mother like daughter. I heard your mum's a massive whore too. That's why she doesn't live with you. Your Dad got tired of her sleeping around and sent her to some whore house! Haha haha!" Lissa trills, sending the rest of the Barbie Parade (let's call them the BBP) into fits of giggles.

My fists are clenched as I attempt to control my temper. My blood boils inside of me as anger courses through my veins. What they were saying was all lies. Just like the one where my Mum's an alcoholic. And the one where she's a druggie. All of them, all lies. They had no fucking right! To make up stories about my mother like that. If they knew the truth….

"You don't know what you're saying _Laura._"

"It's Lissa. Get your head tested slut. I know all about how you jumped Dylan." What? I hated Dylan!

"What. The. Hell. Why would I jump you asshole of a boyfriend?" I didn't know what he had told her, but the facts had all gotten lost deep within that pit he calls a brain.

"You attacked him last night after you left Rosie's! As if you thought he would want to sleep with you! You're just a fat, ugly minger who has no place in this world. You should just die!" Lissa's arm moves up, dangerously close to my neck as she drags me into the girls' toilets.

Flashbacks of the night before spring to mind. I had seen Dylan after my shift at the café. But not like Lissa thought…

**_The street is dark as I make my way out of the café and down the path to the grungy alleyway. It's completely silent and I stick my earphones in my ears as I walk the first few steps in the alley and stop. What was that? My music's on low and I can hear faint footsteps as I freeze. I'm about to start walking again when I feel a tight grip on my shoulder. Gasping as my breath catches, the hand swings me around and pushes me, my back to the wall. _**

**"_Well, well, well. Look who it is… Maxie. What's a pretty girl like you doing walking down here alone at night?" _**

**"_Screw you Dylan. Let go of me." His eyes meet mine, an evil, dangerous glint that sends shivers down my spine. His mouth twists into a smirk as he runs a grubby finger down my cheek. _**

**"_Now, now Maxie. That's no way to speak to me is it? You never know what could happen out here so late in the evening…" A pointed stare crosses his features before he settles on that same old evil smirk. Lips curling upwards, eyes narrowed. His arm circles my waist as the other travels down my face, to my neck and across my left arm. My breath catches again as my heart starts to thump against my chest painfully. _**

**"_What do you want Dylweed?" I ask, trying to summon the last little bit of fight in me. _**

**_He remains silent as his hand traces from my wrist to my hip, grasping it tightly. He lifts my shirt so he can feel the pale skin between my abdomen and the waistband of my jeans. I shiver as his hand rubs circles there. I'm scared. I don't know how much he's bluffing or whether he would really do it…._**

**"_You know what I want…" His gruff voice makes my blood run cold. His hand travels further upwards, dipping underneath my shirt and I make my decision. I swing my knee up and hit his crotch. He groans in pain and curls in on himself, bending down. I push my right hand up so my palm smacks him straight in the nose and I hear a satisfying _crack._ With that, I make my escape. _**

Lissa snaps me back to reality as her hands grip my neck tightly, choking me. I slide down the wall, breathless, but soon regret it.

Her leg snaps out and kicks me in the chest, stomach and legs. I'm gasping in pain as she continues for what seems like forever.

"Liss, stop! You're really hurting her!" Brigid squeaks.

"Stupid, fat whore! She attacked Dylan!"

I'm beginning to think this will never stop. The pain is endless, agonising. My body curls in on itself, ready to shut down. I don't think I can take any more. I just want it to stop.

Eventually, it does. Lissa is pulled away from me and with one last withering threat, they all leave.

I'm alone, sitting with my knees tucked up to my chest in the dirty girls' bathroom. But I don't care. Silent tears stream down my face… finally. My hand reaches out and traces an old scar on my left wrist. My pointer finger moves up, tracing the next one, then the next. All in a row, one after the other. I feel the urge to do it again. It numbs the pain. But I can't.

When I pull myself together again, I leave the bathroom after a once over in the mirror. It doesn't look too bad yet. But I'll definitely have bruises tomorrow.

Fang's waiting outside the bathroom for me when I get out. His mouth opens to say something-

"I don't wanna talk about it." I grunt and walk in the direction of my next class, giving him no option but to follow me.

When I take my seat in Music class, Fang silently sits next to me.

After a few glances at me from the corner of his eye, I'm beginning to feel both amused, and anxious. What was he staring at? Was I bruised already?

"What!" I snap at him. He looks taken aback before finally answering.

"Are you okay?" What? I wasn't expecting that. It's been a long time since someone who wasn't a member of my family has expressed concern for my wellbeing…

"Yeah. Just peachy. Why do you care anyway?" Now I was plain curious. Why did he care?

He just shrugs and then Miss Ashworth enters the room, leaving me no time to get a real answer from him.

"Hey dudes! So today we're gonna have a fun lesson. I know, I'm amazing." The class laughs and I let out a small chuckle. Fang… Fang stays silent the entire time. Not even a smirk crosses his face. That guy has some emotional difficulties. Then again… who am I to talk? I have enough emotional difficulties for the whole of California! I'm not gonna bore you with the painful details of the rest of my last lesson. But I will say this. The lesson was based around our latest project. Writing a song…. And guess who I was paired with…. That's right, you got it…

Fang. Mr Silent himself. Great. Just great. You're sensing my sarcasm there right? Good.

And to make matters worse, he is now an honorary member of the BBP's Victims. Their poor, poor, helpless boyfriends. Well, aside from Dylan. He's a bastard. Anyway, how, you may ask, is Fang a member of this group? He can't already be dating! Well, he's not. But Lissa decided she liked him as her new boy toy so there you have it. Fang, my dears, is not as smart as we all thought. Turns out he's just a brainwashed, wannabe popular. Just like the rest of Greenway High. I have to say, I'm a little disappointed. I had more faith in that boy. Obviously too much faith but still, faith! And what does he do? He agrees to eat lunch with Lissa and the BBP's and the BBPV's (BBP's victims)! What a prat! Now I have to work with him on this project. Could my life get any harder? Hasn't it screwed me over enough yet? As if right on cue, at my shift tonight, Nudge decides to be the chirpy little sweetheart she is and invites me to this house party. Which I couldn't turn down. She did the puppy dog eyes okay? Sue me! I'd sue myself for not being immune to them if I could.

So now, I'm lying on my bed at home, groaning about my unfortunate life.

"Max?" A small voice chirps from the door, now cracked open a smidge so Angel can fit her head through the gap.

I groan in response.

"Are you hurt? Ari's getting worried. You've been up here since six. And it's now eight thirty. You didn't eat dinner…" Angel is soon joined by Gazzy, who looks just as concerned. Aren't they adorable? Pfft, you should try living with them!

"I'm fine guys. Just tired. I'll get something to eat later okay? Go to bed."

"But we missed you! Ari said that if we came up and got you, we could all watch a movie together. Family night!"

"It's not family night without Dad." I say instinctively, reflex action. But it was. In the short while we had lived here, Dad had started to feel less a part of our family and more like a cook and a cleaner. He would come in for an hour, then go out to work again. He was stretching himself thin. And none of us liked it.

Angel comes to lie next to me on my bed. "I know you miss them Max. But it's going to be okay… you have me. And Gazzy. And Ari." That girl isn't as stupid as we think. She had somehow noticed the hidden meaning in my response. Of course I missed them. How could I _not _miss them? _Especially since it was all my fault._

* * *

"No! Why would you do that? Damn it Mike!" I yell at the T.V.

I'm sitting curled up next to Ari with Angel on his other side, Gazzy curled into my right side. This is what makes it all worthwhile. These guys right here. Ari's arm rests on my head as he plays around with my hair. He may be my annoying big brother, but we were close. We had to be. WE were all watching _Monsters University_. Angel and Gazzy loved that film. Oh okay! So did I alright! You caught me… I loved it. It took me back to my childhood. Watching _Monsters Inc._ with Mum, Ari and eventually, Ella too. It took a while to get to a stage where Ella wasn't scared of the kids movie. Bless her. Thinking about it, brought a stab of pain to my chest. I couldn't think about that right now. It hurt too much…

I fall asleep like that. Sometime around eleven. Curled next to Ari, the four of us. I don't know what it is, but when I'm with Ari, I feel safe. Like nothing and nobody can hurt me. I guess it's the protective big brother thing he's got going on. For the first time in a long time, my sleep goes undisturbed. Even last night, I was awake at two am. Then awake again at four. But tonight…. Tonight I just sleep. Feeling calm and serene for the first time since it happened. I just sleep….

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**Yeah so I liked that chapter more than I thought, still not my best though. But I do like the brotherly, sisterly love Ari and Max have going on. I think it works with this story. Review and let me know what **_you_ **think! **


	6. Chapter 5

**Hey guys, so I've been working on this chapter since Saturday and I had a couple boring lessons this week so far where I added to it so I decided to update today while I have some free time. Just finished all my homework for the week- FINALLY! Anyway you're gonna find out a little bit more about Max's past in this chappie, so yay for that… I warn you now, there's a little bit of hard hitting stuff towards the middle of this chapter. Just how Max really views herself and there will be more hard hitting stuff in future chapters. Just getting that out there…**

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**_Max P.O.V. (Friday 14__th__ November 2013) 6:50pm_**

"So the party starts at 9:00 okay? And no backing down now!" Nudge exclaims at me as I prepare a latte for a customer. I'm working my shift at Rosie's and Nudge is here too. Ever since she asked me to go to that stupid party, I've been trying to think of ways to get out of it. Now was my chance.

"Well actually Nudge, I can't make it tonight. Ari told me when he dropped me off that our Aunt is sick and I have to go and babysit her son." Pretty legit right? I thought it was a great excuse. Nudge seemed to believe me.

"Oh no! Is it serious? I hope not. One time when I got sick, my immune system was low and I got a cold and mum thought I was gonna get pneumonia! I didn't though…." I worry about that girl's state of mind sometimes…

All was going swimmingly until Ari decided to come into the café with Angel and Gazzy. What could possibly go wrong with these guys? The real question: What_ couldn't_ go wrong?

"Oh look Max! Isn't that your brother? I think I've seen him around at school…" Nudge muses to herself.

"Oh god…" I groan. Things can only go bad from here…

"Hey Max." Ari shouts as he makes his way over. The thing about Ari and I is, whilst we have a lot in common at home and family wise (caring, leader…ish?) we're polar opposites in terms of socialising. Whilst I was basically known as the loser at school. The one who didn't talk, unless to be sarcastic and even then- chances of a whole conversation were slim, despite sarcasm being my mother tongue. Yep, you heard me. I am a huge fan of sarcasm. Anyway, I'm going off track here. So whilst I'm the loser blah, blah, blah… Ari is really popular. Seriously sociable and shit. He's like…. The king…. Forget I said that. If he knew I kinda idolised him for it all…. I don't even want to think about what would happen then. But seriously, he's a jock. Yet not your stereotypical jock. I mean, don't get me wrong, he's an arrogant prick sometimes. But he has a heart of gold. And if you ever tell him I said that, I'll decapitate you… With a butter knife. Sloooow and painful….

Okay so we've discovered I'm also slightly morbid. Can you blame me? I'm sure my whole plan is about go down the drain thanks to said big brother, whose other main hobby just so happens to be…. Making my life a misery.

I have a truly wonderful family….

"Hi Ari…" I deadpan. I'm already feeling the impending doom of what's coming…

"What's wrong with you?" He accuses.

"Nothing. Just sad that I can't go to that party tonight." I murmur, giving him a pointed look.

"Why not?"

Nudge beats me to it.

"Hi I'm Nudge, Max's friend." I glance over at her when she says that. Friend… When did that happen?

"She told me about your Aunt, I hope it's not serious. That's why she can't go tonight." Oh dear god… Maybe, just maybe, Ari will finally be a decent big brother and play along for once. Who am I kidding?

"What Aunt? We don't have an Aunt…" he declares, smirking at me. Asshole…

All that brotherly, sisterly love we have? I was beginning to wonder what had happened in the space of just

Nudge turns towards me a smug look on her face? "Oh really? So then you can come tonight!"

Stumbling for an excuse, I say the first thing that comes to mind. "No! I just forgot, Dad asked me to help him out with something tonight." Ok, that'll do.

Ari doesn't give up though. "Dad's at work. What does he want anyway?"

I swear his life mission is to make my life a living hell… he was not going to get away with this.

"He said he'd be home by the time I get back. And I'm helping him write a report for the stock takings this month." Yes. That's good. Nudge will believe that.

Ari scoffs and I chew my thumb nail, anticipating his retort.

"You? Write a report? Don't be stupid. When do you ever do anything that requires putting pen to paper?" I'm gonna kill him…

"Since now." I say through gritted teeth. I was seriously about to give up.

"Well he said before I left to come here that he was working the late shift tonight. So he's not gonna be home till after midnight." I give up…

"Max that's great! So you can definitely come!"

Groaning internally at my sad, sad life, I nod hesitantly.

Fuck. My. Life.

* * *

I pull out my phone and check the time. _19:30. _Yes. Just ten more minutes and I can lock up and go home. The sooner this day was over the better. I would stop in at the party, say hi to Nudge- just so she knew I had been- and then sneak off back home. Genius. I know, I am…

"Who's that? Is she a friend from Arizona?" I gasp and turn my head to see Nudge peeking over my shoulder. For a moment she looks sheepish before returning back to her question. "Well?"

"Something like that…" I murmur, glancing back at the picture of me and Ella.

A slight pain in my chest causes me to shut my phone off quickly, slipping it back into my jeans pocket and stalking off to get on with cleaning up.

How could I go to this party tonight? After what had happened the last time I had been to a party in Arizona, I had promised I would never go off the rails again. That I would never be _that _girl again. And now I was going to be surrounded with it all. Not just the physical aspects, but the painful and heart wrenching memories from my past. That night had caused so much pain and not just for me. But for my whole family. It killed me. Tore me up inside to think that it had all been my fault. I had made a couple tiny mistakes and paid for them greatly. It was still so hard to think about it.

Nudge's yell snapped me out of my morbid thoughts. "Max! It's seven forty! Time to go!"

Finally… this day had possibly been the longest day of my life…

"My brother's picking me up if you need a ride home." She says breathlessly as she pulls off her apron and takes the hair scrunchie out, letting her brunette ringlets frame her petite face.

"I'm fine. Really. I usually just walk."

She frowns a little. "Are you sure? Cause it's getting dark out already." I hesitate and think back to Monday night. Surely Dylan wouldn't try something like that again.

"I'll be fine." I grab my jacket and make my way to the door, gesturing for Nudge to go outside.

"If you're worried about being out here alone, I can wait until your brother gets here…" I hold a teasing tone to my voice as I mock her.

Her eyes widen hopefully. "Really? It's just, I don't wanna take any risks and Fang'll be here in a few minutes!"

Nodding silently, I pull out my phone and ear buds and slip one in my ear, offering Nudge the other when she looks at me expectantly.

Finally, just as I'm beginning to get really restless, a black, beat –up looking car pulls up by the sidewalk.

"Thank so much for waiting with me." Formal much?

"No problem. See ya." I mumble as Fang rolls down his window.

"Are you two done with the gossip session? I gotta get home."

Nudge looks annoyed when she asks the question. "Why the rush Fangy? Is _Lissy _coming over so you can work on your_ biology _project?"

Fang flinches visibly before he composes himself and replies. "No. And for the last time, there is _nothing _going on with Lissa and I. Now get in the car." His gaze finally fixates on me and he snaps out of his sudden, and presumably, very rare talkative mood. "You need a ride."

Silently, I shake my head. "I should actually get going. Thanks for the offer though." What? I'm in a good mood despite my latest predicament. I had the energy to be polite today…

After a glare and a huff of exasperation, Nudge finally waves goodbye to me and walks around to the passenger side. "Oh! I'll see you tonight Max!" She exclaims with a sly grin.

Great. I was hoping she had forgotten…

* * *

"Ahhhhh! Daddy stop! No!" Angel squeals as Dad chases her around the living room before finally catching her and tickling her like hell. Chaos. Absolute chaos.

"You said Dad was at work." I hiss to Ari. He smirks smugly and wonders into the kitchen, getting a toaster waffle out from the cupboard. He silently offers me one and I shake my head.

"I lied." Comes his simple yet completely frustrating reply.

"You…lied. Why?!"

He crosses the distance from the worktop to the kitchen island I'm leaning against and places a hand on my shoulder. I push it off. I'm really pissed at him right now.

"Because Max, you're working too hard. You need a break. Go out tonight with that girl from work. Have fun. And for Christ's sake actually try and make some friends. I know it's tough for someone of your personality, what with the unnatural need to turn every potential relationship with people toxic. But try. I see you every day Max. Going into the library at break and lunch. Sometimes you've spent the whole hour of lunch in there. You deserve to have fun. I know that it's been hard on you. Hell, it's hard for me too. But if you had a friend, that means somebody to talk to."

"Wow Ari, inspiring. Have you ever thought about becoming a motivational speaker? Sometimes in life, you may feel like going on a rampage and killing everything you see. But you can stop this with the magical thing called –"

"Max!" Ari cuts me off, ruining my teasing impression.

"I do have fun." I protest, his points finally sinking in. "Just not with other people." He rolls his eyes at my reply.

"God you're such a loner."

"Hey! I prefer the term socially challenged."

Another eye roll. "You're not getting out of this one Max. Now come on, get ready and then you can help me with dinner. On second thoughts, you can supervise with dinner. I don't trust you cooking since the last time."

"It was just a small fire!"

He laughs manically. "Yeah. Just the small type of fire that ensures we have to dip into the insurance. Real small fire Max."

I glare before walking into the living room. Angel and Gazzy are sitting down on the carpeted floor colouring whilst Dad sits and watches a football game. Fun…

"Hey Dad." I say as I sit next to him on the couch. He pulls me into his side and wraps his arm around me in a tight hug. "How was work?"

"The usual. What about you sweetheart? School okay?"

I mimic his reply. "The usual. What are you doing tonight?"

He looks sincere when he says, "Well, I was thinking about having a family night. Take you guys out for a nice dinner and then we could go to the movies. I know I haven't been able to spend a lot of time with you guys lately and I thought that while I could, I would."

"Great! Oh crap wait… I promised this girl I work with that I'd go to a party tonight. She's new here and doesn't know many people so she was a little worried about going alone. I can cancel though if you want?" I ask him hopefully. He looks shocked and determined when he replies.

"Of course not Max. Go and have fun! We'll have family night another time!"

The only trouble with that was that none of us knew when we would get another chance to do family night. What with Dad so busy at work most of the time.

"I hate it…" I mutter. He looks up from his beer can and supresses a frown.

"I know sweetheart. But it pays the bills. And if that's what it takes to give my kids the best possible start in life, then I'll do it. I'll work every shift I can get at the store. And then I'll spend every minute I get writing a killer article for the magazine. Because it'll pay the bills. It pays for you all to get into college. If that's what it means to give you guys the best life you can, then I'll do it. I hate it too sweetie. But that's life."

"But it's just not fair. We're all paying for a mistake I made. What did the rest of you ever do wrong? Why is it us?" I ask indignantly.

He looks at me again and for just a minute I see the real man my father is. The man he used to be before it all finally broke him. Right now, he wasn't the stressed out, stretched thin, broken man I had grown to know. He was the strong willed, determined man I used to admire. Ari was so much like him that it scared me. "Life isn't fair. It wasn't your fault you know? What happened that night, was an accident. A terrible accident." Yeah. One that tore my world apart and stole my sense of hope and love of the world. Now I was miserable.

"Okay. I have to go get ready." I hugged my dad one last time and went up the stairs to my bedroom. The midnight blue walls were beginning to look bare, I would have to do something about that. I went to sit on my bed, covered with the American Flag styled duvet.

"Damn." I murmured to myself. Just finally opening up to my dad about how I felt tonight, made me realise how much of a mess I truly was. I reflected back on my week and felt immense self-hate rush through my mind. Lissa's words from Tuesday centred on my brain.

"_You're just a fat, ugly minger."_

"_Should just die."_

"_Stupid, fat whore."_

I stood up and walked to the bathroom, locked the door and went over to the full length mirror. I stood and glanced at my reflection. I knew there was nothing special about my appearance, but I had never thought of myself as fat or ugly before. But now, as I pulled up my shirt to show my once flat stomach, my eyes zoned in on the slight flesh there. I stared and stared, feeling more and more repulsed by what I saw. I was fat… there was no question about it. I was repulsive to look at. My dirty blonde hair was limp and lanky, not wavy and a beautiful shade of red like Lissa's. I had dark circles under my eyes, from the sleepless nights. My lips were thin and dry, cracked. My arms and legs were chubbier than I had ever noticed. That brought me to my stomach again. Disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. What had happened to the girl from Arizona? The fun loving, confident girl who was friends with everyone? The one who could attract a guy with one simple smile? Where had she gone? Looking at this girl in the mirror, I realised, I missed the old me. The life had been taken out of me in one simple flicker of a moment. The memories of my old life were quickly fading as I blocked them from my mind. This girl… the one who stared back at me in the reflection. The one who looked as though she could breakdown and sob at any moment. She couldn't be me. How could this have happened to me? My eyes flickered to my scar arms. The left one covered from wrist to forearm in scars. I looked at it, to the razor sitting on the sink and back to my arms. No. I couldn't go back to that. Could I? No. I couldn't do it. Wouldn't do it.

I walked over to my wardrobe after a shower and pulled out a pair of black skinny jeans and a purple tank top. I slipped into my clothes and grabbed a long sleeved jacket. I grabbed my black converse and walked out into the hall.

"Hey, dinner's on the table." Ari mentions to me as I walk into the kitchen.

I go to sit down before remembering my previous revelation. Did I really want to eat after I had just noticed how fat I was getting?

"Not hungry. I'll grab something later." I lie before saying a quick goodbye and running out to the car.

* * *

**I hope you guys liked the chapter, I'll try update by Sunday at the latest.**


	7. Chapter 6

**Hey guys, sorry it's been a while since my last update. School's been a major stress with all my homework (one freaking piece for every. Single. Lesson. Stupid right?) And I've been super tired like, all the time. So yeah. I figured that whilst I have a free afternoon/evening I would get around to updating. Oooh! And before I completely forget, I totally fucked up in the last chapter. I made a huge deal of Max's mental argument with herself about the razor blade in the bathroom, then finally deciding not to use it. Then, being the special case I am, I said something about new scars. So now, just ignore that. I've changed it in the actual chapter but you don't need to read that bit again. Just forget it even happened. But as I said last time, this is not your average happy, life is fantastic story. Bare that in mind. If you don't like reading certain content featured in this, then don't. I don't wanna offend anybody so that's just a warning as to what's to come. Also, for a part of this, Max comes across kind of as a jerk but that's just to show why she regrets a lot of her past decisions.**

* * *

**_Max P.O.V Friday 14th November (21:15)_**

I pulled up outside a dingy, run- down café that was located near the house where this party was happening. The sooner this was over, the better. Pulling the keys out from their place in the ignition, I took a second to just sit.

**_Deep breaths Max, pull yourself together!_**

_Great._ Not only was I having to go to this party due to my weakness against bambi eyes -that face should be made illegal- the amount of trouble it causes in my life- I was also going insane and talking to myself like there was no tomorrow. **_Fantastic._**

A sharp knock on the car window broke through my little pep talk and startled me. **_A lot._**

I whipped my head to the side and saw a face peering in, grinning at me brightly.

**_Nudge…_**

She was waving at me frantically and I had just about enough time to open the door and step out of the car before she pounced on me, engulfing me in a tight hug.

"You came! I knew you would! I knew it! Oh my God! This is gonna be so much fun! I haven't had this much fun since Iggy let me drive his car to the beach! He never let me drive it again though. I mean, it was only a tiny crash! It's not like anybody got hurt or anything!"

I flinched as I listened to Nudge ramble before clamping a hand down over her mouth.

"You done?" I raise my eyebrows at her whilst I wait for an answer.

I get a silent nod in reply and take my hand away from her mouth. She remains quiet.

**_Smart girl._**

"Okay, let's go. That's it right?" I asked the girl, clad in a pair of dark purple jeans and white laced top, pointing to a large, painted white house. A group of drunken teenagers stumble out from the front door as I point.

"Yeah. Ready?" Nudge finally speaks since her outburst and I'm thankful she seems to have calmed down a little.

My reply is a short nod of my head before I walk up the garden path and into the house through the now open front door, Nudge following me quietly.

Some pop song was playing loudly as Nudge and I made our way through the hall, Nudge's heels clicking softly behind me. As we walked into the lounge, a wave of nausea swept through me as the smell of smoke and excess alcohol hit me. The party hadn't started that long ago and the majority of people here were already wasted. I could distinctly make out a peculiar smell coming from the stairs. A familiar smell from my own party days last year.

**_Pot._**

I had just entered my worst nightmare…

* * *

**_I stumbled into my bedroom with my best friend JJ as we laughed manically. _**

**"_I" _laugh _"Can't" _gasp _"Believe" _another gasp_ "I let you" _followed by a snort_ "Talk me into this." JJ chokes out, tears streaming down her face due to her hysterical laughter. _**

**_I giggle and adjust my skirt so it stops mid–thigh. "Dude! I didn't talk you into shit!" _**

**_She laughs again and takes a drag on the joint she's holding before handing it to me. _**

**"_My parents are going to be so pissed at me. After the last time!" She giggles again before coming to a sudden stop as my bedroom door swings open._**

**"_What's going on in here? Angel's trying to sleep." My sister, Ella, whispers harshly at me as I make a hurried attempt to hide the spliff behind my back. _**

**"_Nothing." The word is a slurred mess from my mouth. "We're just getting ready for bed…" I lie to my little sister as she pulls her chestnut brown hair into a bun and ties the knot on her robe tighter._**

**"_You're not going out again are you? You know Mum and Dad said you're grounded for a month after the last time you two snuck out." _**

**_I scoff. "Oh please. That was hardly something for them worry about. They overreacted." _**

**_Ella laughs hysterically before replying, a glare settled on her soft, tan face. "You woke up topless in a tree Max!"_**

**"_I was hardly topless! I had my bra on." JJ snorts at my half-hearted reply before a glare from me shuts her up._**

**"_Max. You know you're not supposed to go out tonight. You're not even supposed to be drinking at your age. You're 16!" _**

**_When would she just shut the hell up? I was older than her. I could do what I wanted. _**

**"_Ella, I am going out tonight and that's the end of it. I don't care what you say. It's my life. Butt out of my god damn business!"_**

**_Her brown eyes go wide as she gasps at me. _**

**_Sighing, I brush a hand through my long brownish – blonde hair, being sure to keep the other behind my back, and pat the unaccompanied space on my bed next to me. She sits down wearily and I put my arm around her. _**

**"_Ells, I'm sorry. I won't go out tonight. JJ can sleep over and we'll stay in and watch movies. Okay?" _**

**_She looks doubtful, but nods anyway. "Okay. I'm gonna go to bed. School was really tiring today and I'm just exhausted now. Night Maxi." _**

**_I breathe out a breath I hadn't noticed I'd been holding before throwing the finished joint out of my window. Checking my phone for the time, I realise it's just after ten and jump up, motioning for JJ to follow me. _**

**"_What're you doing?" She asks me curiously as I hoist my right leg over my window sill and grin as my foot lands on the branch of the tree that towers past my window. _**

**"_What does it look like?" I reply, breathlessly, "Come on." I swing my whole body out the window and JJ does the same as we climb down the tree._**

**…_._**

**"_Are you ready?" I ask my best friend as she pulls on her black stiletto heels and nods her head, a grin forming on her young face. _**

**"_Hell yeah!" She squeals and together we enter the large house, belonging to some kid from school whose parents had just gone away for the weekend. So yeah, your average kid taking advantage of that and throwing a rager of a house party. _**

**_Not that I was complaining. _**

**_The music was blasting from the speakers in the lounge and I pulled JJ into the middle of the teenage infested room with me to dance, grabbing a bottle of god knows what in the process. _**

**_The kid who was throwing this party, Sam I think his name was, had an older brother; that's how he got the booze I'm guessing. _**

**_I threw my head back and laughed as I took a large gulp of the bitter tasting substance._**

* * *

"Oh my god. This is so cool!" squealed from behind me, snapping me back into reality.

"What?" I asked, my senses on hyperaware. "Oh, the party… right."

Honestly, I just couldn't wait to get out of here. I flinched as the memory of my past self kept replaying in my mind, over and over – like a scratched record. The same scene.

**"_Butt out of my god damn business!" _**

"_It's just a party." _I had said to JJ, when I persuaded her to sneak out with me. _"Live a little."_

I grimaced and let Nudge drag me into the middle of the crowd of drunken school kids. A stab of guilt and shame pierced my heart like a knife. I had vowed, after that night, I would never do this again. Never put myself in this position again. I had made a lot of stupid mistakes. And I had paid for those mistakes. I had gone from being a messed up, underage party girl, to… to…

**_Nothing._**

**_That's what I was. _**

**_Worthless. _**

I gasped, as fresh tears stung my eyes, threatening to fall.

**_No. Not here._**

"I need some air okay? I might see you later." I shout to Nudge over the loud music before rushing out of the house, into the street – the only source of light was the dim glow of street lamps, strategically placed one after the other in that familiar, predictable pattern.

I shiver as the night turns colder and I stand in the middle of the street, too frozen with pain to move. I slump down on the side-walk and breathe deeply.

"You're not at the party?" A gruff voice asks from behind me, startling me, before the owner of the deep voice comes to sit next to me on the curb. I give them a sidelong look and notice the black jeans and matching black shirt.

Why was he here?

"Parties aren't really my scene…" He responds with an understanding nod.

"What about you? Why aren't you in there with Lissa, watching her while she's slutting it up?" My voice come out in a hurried, sarcastic tone and he glares at me.

"She is **_not _**my girlfriend. Not really my kind of thing either." I shrug. "So what are you doing here then?"

"Waiting for Nudge."

"Oh." I say brilliantly. "She might be a while then. She just got talking to Tiffany Clarke and they really hit it off." I shiver due to the harsh cold wind attacking my now bare arms.

Fang notices and motions to his car parked by the same café mine was. "You cold? I can give you a ride home if you want."

"No. No thanks. I uh… I have my car. "

He nods and we both stand, making our way to my car.

"Oh, before I forget." He raises his eyebrow, a sign for me to continue, "We should probably get started on that project soon. When do you wanna start?"

"Tomorrow?" I roll my eyes at his short reply.

"Okay. Tomorrow, 11:00 good for you? At Rosie's diner?" He nods and again, I roll my eyes.

I turn to get in the car, hating every minute of his silence. It always annoyed me when people couldn't keep their side of a conversation up. It's not that difficult.

"See ya later Max." is the last thing I hear before I get in the car and drive off, in the direction of my house.

* * *

When I get in the house is silent. The stairs creak under my feet as I step as softly as I can, entering my bedroom and slipping off my shoes.

The door opens slightly as I'm sitting up in my bed with the covers around my pyjama clad body and Ari enters the room.

"Hey." His voice comes out in a hoarse whisper. "How was the party?"

"It was great." I lie, as he comes to sit on my bed.

He smiles and I'm glad I lied. I'd do anything just to see that soft, rare smile on my brother's face.

I smile back and snuggle down under my comforter, letting his hand brush over my hair before he gets up and leaves me to sleep.

* * *

**So yeah, I have nothing much else to say but….**

**Review and I'll try update as soon as I can. Can I say… five reviews before the next update?**


	8. Chapter 7

**So my school had a PD day today… so I decided to update.**

**My Mum is currently blasting sounds of the eighties in the kitchen… I can bear many things but nobody, and I mean nobody, should have to witness _those _dance moves.**

**Hope you enjoy, I will be sitting here, taking refuge in the living room – hiding from Mum.**

* * *

_**Max P.O.V Saturday 15th November**_

"Gazzy, give it back! It's my turn!" Angel's shriek sounded through the house at the ungodly hour of 6:30.

"No! You chose last time!" Gazzy's reply is just as loud and I groan, sliding out of bed to take care of the situation.

Ari's bedroom door is slightly ajar and he's passed out on his bed, face pressed into his pillow, snoring loudly. I swear that boy could sleep through a raid.

I enter the living room to find my younger siblings fighting over the T.V remote.

"Guys." My voice is a hushed whisper, "Guys be quiet. You'll wake Dad up."

Angel pauses and looks up from where she is sitting on Gazzy's back. He's lying on his front whilst Angel wrestles for the remote.

"Oww! Angel get off! Quit pulling my hair!" He howls in pain as Angel yanks particularly hard on his fair hair.

"Guys, cut it out."

Instead, they just get louder. Angel whines when I pull her off of Gazzy. He's panting, breathing in air in large gulps.

"You winded me you little brat!"

"Gazzy!" I snap as he rubs his chest, an attempt to get his breath back. "Be quiet. Now." My voice is calm and steady, each of my siblings take a step back from me. Angel looks up first, blue eyes wide, bottom lip jutted out.

"Sowwie Maxie…" I nod simply and look to Gazzy.

"She started it!" he protests indignantly.

"I don't care who started it." I hiss, "I am not prepared to play the blame game at half six in the freaking morning! What are you doing up this early anyway?"

Gazzy gives me a sheepish grin. "I wanted to watch power rangers…"

Sighing, I turn to Angel.

"He," she juts a thumb out at Gazzy, "Woke me up so I went to watch Dora but he wouldn't let me!" Angel finishes, pouting.

"But Dora the explorer's for babies!" A glare directed at Gazzy soon shuts him up.

"Okay, well here's an idea. Why don't_ I_ choose what we watch?"

Frustrated, Gazzy frowns at the smirk on my face. "But… but-"

"I was thinking something like, the morning news or…ooh! I've got it! How about that documentary Dad recorded last week! Y'know, that one about the mass production of-"

"But Maaaaax! That's boring." Angel whines.

My hand rests on my hip as I tap my foot impatiently.

"Well then, why don't you just compromise?"

**"_Compolise_?"** I chuckle at angel's mispronunciation.

"Compromise. Watch an episode of Dora, and then an episode of Power Rangers."

"But why does Angel get to go first?"

"Because you chose last time!"

I open my mouth to break up the argument, again, when I hear the distinct sound of footsteps.

"What's going on in here?" Ari's voice holds an intimidating tone.

"Nothing!" Angel and Gazzy chorus. I throw my hands up as I walk past Ari.

"I give up…" I mumble.

The stairs creak slightly as I tip toe up them, careful not to wake my dad. I know there's no point in going back to bed; now I was awake, I wouldn't get to sleep again. So I settled for sitting up in my bed for an hour, typing up all my homework.

At half seven, when I'm finally finished, a quiet knock snaps me from my concentration, and a head peaks through the small gap.

"Hey sweetie, you're awake." Dad remarks softly, entering my room and coming to sit on the bed, by my feet.

"Yep… Ange and Gaz woke me up an hour ago."

Dad's face goes from a soft, gentle look, to confusion in less than a second.

"They were fighting over the T.V." A look of understanding crosses his features and he pats my leg, covered by the thick duvet.

"So what're you planning on doing today?"

Groaning, I remember my plans for the day. "I said I'd go meet that new kid at Rosie's diner. We got assigned to do a project together in music class."

"Oh?"

"We have to write a song."

Dad looks ecstatic by now when he replies enthusiastically. "Oh! Fantastic sweet heart!"

"No. Not fantastic. I do not write music. Ever."

_"Oh."_ He frowns and I can practically see him working through the memories, years of me and Mum- singing together.

**_Another stab of pain._**

"Yeah oh."

I take that as a sign that our conversation is over and make a move to get out of bed.

"Do you want me to drive you?" Turning to face my dad to reply, I smile.

"You don't have to do that dad."

Adamantly, he hold up his hands. "Nonsense. I'll give you a ride. I was thinking of taking you all out for breakfast so maybe we could go earlier and have breakfast then you meet your friend." He sounds hopeful.

_"Not my friend."_ I grind out. It was the only part I could focus on. _**Friend**._ Fang was far from a friend. More of an acquaintance really, I didn't want to associate with him. I didn't _choose _to work with him, converse with him. I had to.

Then it dawned on me.

**_Breakfast._**

And what did that mean?

Food of course. And more importantly, I would have to eat. Because if I didn't, my family would soon become suspicious. I couldn't deal with any more stress right now. At least if they thought I was eating, I could lose the weight without any bother. I knew that if I told them, all they would do was lie to me.

"_You're not fat."_

"_You don't need to lose any weight." _

But that was what families did right? Lied to us to keep us happy? At least that's what I had believed. My parents had always told me I was a good person. A kind, compassionate kid with a big heart. But if that was true, the why had I done it? What person could ever do such a thing? Why had I chosen to do it? That which would tear my family's world apart, unknowingly at the time of course, but all the same- I had still done it. I had gone there, and I hadn't listened to my mother's warning.

"_If you carry on this way, you won't just be hurting yourself." _

She had been right. I had hurt so many people. In one simple string of mistakes, everybody had been crushed.

So instead of making a scene, I smiled and said, "Sounds great Dad. Let me get ready. I gotta meet Fang by 11 so…"

"We should probably leave the house by ten." He finishes, grinning at my startled look. "I know how paranoid you get about being late."

"Right. I'm just gonna… go… get dressed."

I motion to the bathroom, from where I'm standing by my open door and leave the room, nervously chewing on my bottom lip.

* * *

"Dad! Are you coming?" I cover my ears as Ari shouts to our father loudly.

"That was my ear, idiot."

He gives me a small grin and says sorry_.** Liar…**_

"Coming!" Dad enters the hallway, Angel hanging on his left leg, Gazzy gripping onto his hair from his place on Dad's shoulders. "Help…" I grin and rush out of the door, grabbing the car keys on my way.

"Come on Dad. It's ten past ten already!" He smiles sarcastically as he exits the house.

"Nice Max. I would've been a lot quicker if **_somebody_** had helped me with these **brats.**"

"Hey!" Angel and Gazzy shout at Dad's teasing insult.

Ari smiles as he makes his way to the passenger seat of the car.

"SHOTGUN!" I screech, running to fling open the door and slide in, pushing him away before he can beat me.

"Max!" He says through gritted teeth.

Laughing, Dad gets in the car and a look from him soon shut Ari up. Nobody could stay mad when my Dad was here, with us all. We appreciated our rare time with him.

"Quit it." My teeth grind together as I scold Ari, who is currently kicking my chair from his place in the back. _Sucker…_

"Quit what?" He questions me innocently.

"You know what."

"Guys, cut it out. Max, quit whining. Ari… grow up."

I laugh at Ari and turn to poke my tongue out at his appalled face.

He flips me off when nobody is looking. **_Jerk…_**

* * *

"Hey Max!" Nudge exclaims as she comes to our table, note book in hand, poised to take our order. "Hi, I'm Nudge – Max's friend!" Dad raises his eyebrows at me as he shakes Nudge's hand.

_"Friend?_" he mouths to me. I simply shake my head.

"Maxie has a friend?" comes Gazzy's shocked reply.

"Don't sound so shocked!" I pull him to my side and get him in a headlock, ruffling his hair roughly.

"Hey! Maxie stop! No!" he tries to pull free before bursting into a fit of giggles.

Nudge coos at him and smiles. "Your brother is soooo cute! What's your name sweetie?" She directs towards Gazzy.

"Gazzy." He answers proudly. Nudge looks confused and before we can warn her not to ask he takes action.

"What's that… that smell?" Nudge sounds as disgusted as I feel.

I point a finger at Gazzy and he grins again, sheepishly. "Gasman – figure it out."

"Whaaa? Ooooh…" I watch as the realisation dawns on her face and she hurries to take our order, dying to get away from the horrible odour my younger brother is famous for.

* * *

I grit my teeth as I force down the urge to throw up. The smell the steaming plate of pancakes is emitting is making me feel nauseated. My family dig in to their breakfast all around me, whilst all I can think about is the extra fat I'm consuming.

Okay, think Max.

Eat this, then you can skip lunch and go for a run when you get back home. You can walk home from the diner too, that'll help work off the excess calories you're about to consume.

I open my mouth and push in the forkful of pancakes, urging myself to chew.

Surprisingly, I get through the meal and it's time for the rest of my family to leave.

"Well sweetie, I guess we'll see you at home then."

"Oh hey dad? Can you drop me off at the mall, I'm meeting Jess." Ari asks dad with a hopeful expression.

"Oooooh, gonna go do a last minute bio experiment with your girlfriend before she leaves you alone for a whole week? Gosh Ari, how will you cope? A whole week… without Jessiepoo?"

"Shut it Max. You do realise that adding 'poo' to the end of every name, does not make you sound witty. I expected better from you." Ari comments, disappointed. I roll my eyes and wave my family goodbye.

Just as Fang enters the diner.

_Wish me luck…_

* * *

**So my mum just called me a spawn of the devil… Love you too mum… really feeling the love here.**

**Yep, that's our relationship haha**

**Review and I'll try update tomorrow…**


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